I moved to Germany from the US with 4 kids. Here, I have a lot more time for myself.
Celia Robbins
- Celia Robbins relocated with her family to Berlin after her husband got a job in Germany.
- Robbins, 37, was surprised to see how independent kids were in Berlin.
- She said she's learned to let go of her parental anxiety and give her kids more independence.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Celia Robbins, an American who relocated to Berlin with her family. She works at the Embassy of the United States of America in Berlin. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Living in the college town of Ithaca, New York, my family of six was used to seeing people leave. In October 2022, my husband finished his post-doc at Cornell University and landed his dream job at a research center in Rostock, Germany. It was finally our turn to have a new experience. We were excited.
This was an opportunity for us to live abroad with our four children — the oldest is now 15, our twins are 12, and our youngest is 9. As none of them had started high school, we thought it was the perfect stage for us to move.
Last year, the kids and I moved to Berlin so they could attend international school. My husband commutes to Rostock — a 2-hour train ride — a few days a week and returns every weekend.
Back in the US, I had been helicopter-parenting my kids, having a lot of control over every aspect of their lives.
I was beholden to my kids' schedule in the US
I spent about two hours every day in the car, driving my kids to school or to a long list of extracurriculars. My husband and I were juggling many balls together, struggling to match our schedules because kids relied on us to take them anywhere.
But here in Berlin, kids are expected to manage their own things and get themselves to places.
I'm no longer at the whim of their schedules, largely thanks to Berlin's public transport system — we don't even own a car here.
If my kids want to do an extracurricular activity, they take themselves. So, if one is ambitious and wants to choose five, it's fine, because it's on them. They are responsible for their own activities and let us know when they will be out for their Model UN meeting or band practice.
In the US, I did some consulting and course writing on the side. Now, I have a lot more freedom and have landed a full-time job working at the US embassy.
I let my children be independent
While I always felt safe in our town in New York, in Berlin, it does feel safer for my kids to be out alone.
A year ago, I wouldn't have been OK with my 9-year-old coming home alone. But seeing that it's normal for other children their age to take themselves around has shown me what kids are capable of. So, that fear has been put to rest.
There's a sense of community here to look out for kids. Kids here are expected to be a little bit more independent, so it's not unusual to see them out on their own.
The adjustment period was hard
For our first few weeks, I was one of the few moms doing pick-up and drop-off at school. There was one other American mom, and when she stopped, my kids were like, "Please stop, mom." Once I stopped, I felt a sense of peace; they would be fine.
Back in the US, if my kids left their musical instruments at home and had cello lessons, I would get a phone call from the school secretary asking me to bring them in. But the school in Berlin said, "We will not call you. That is your child's responsibility."
Although I was a little shocked, it has taught both me and my kids that they're capable of more than we thought they were.
I'm proud of my children for becoming more independent
Sometimes I do crave a little bit more control. But I'm so grateful for every child that my kids have become friends with.
Children are the best teachers to other children. My kids watch their friends and are learning to live a life where they are much more accountable for their choices and decisions.
Recently, my son left his lunch at home. Before, I would've panicked if I saw his lunchbox was still on the counter, thinking, "Oh my goodness, he didn't eat today." But later that day, he told me that after noticing he'd forgotten his lunch, a friend said, "Let's just go buy you a pretzel," and they figured out a solution.
It's been weird for me. I still want my kids to need me in some ways, but our relationship has changed to the point where there's less mental burden on me to remember so much. Now, they're expected to be responsible for things.
I've learned to let go of my control and my parental anxiety
Maybe my kids are getting older, too. But now, it's become this relationship where they can give a lot to me as a parent.
I've been sick and was in the hospital recently. My husband texted our kids to ask if one of them could grab milk on the way home and help with other errands. And they did.
That has changed me as a parent because it's taken away the pressure to always be "on." In the past, I could never have a sick day.
Celia Robbins
I get asked all the time, "Are you homesick?" And while I do miss my mom and being able to call a doctor for an antibiotic, I don't miss being in the US.
I've learned that home is wherever we are together, and, for now, Berlin is home.
Do you have a story about moving abroad that you want to share? Get in touch with the reporter, Erin: eliam@businessinsider.com.
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