I left Russia for Florida. Life in America has been full of culture shocks — but the best thing has been the freedom of speech.
Elena Brandt
- Elena Brandt grew up in Moscow and moved to Florida in 2018 with her husband.
- She got her PhD at Florida State University and now works as a startup founder.
- Brandt found the States' limited maternity leave and willingness to apologize surprising.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Elena Brandt, the Russian-born founder of Besample, about her move to the United States. It's been edited for length and clarity.
In 2017, I worked as a communications manager for Yandex, a tech company in Moscow, where I had lived since birth. I wasn't excited about the direction of Russia's political regime, so I applied for an O-1 visa to the U.S.
O-1 visas are for people with extraordinary talent to temporarily live in the US and pursue that skill.
While waiting for my visa, I met my future husband. He was a Russian economist teaching at Florida State University who had returned to Moscow for vacation.
Our relationship progressed quickly; in 2018, I got my visa and moved to Florida. We got married the same year, my husband adopted my two-year-old daughter, and we had two more children, one in 2019 and another in 2021.
I got into a PhD program at Florida State University, but my O-1 visa meant I couldn't teach to get my tuition waived. I spent my savings on tuition and applied for residency through marriage.
In grad school, I founded a sci-tech company 'Besample' aimed at bringing global diversity to U.S. behavioral research.
In the five years since moving to Florida, I've started a business, had two children, and worked through grad school. I've encountered many amusing and bewildering culture shocks, but these were the most prominent.
Ownership culture in America
I remember ordering a muffin at a local coffee shop and the barista said, "Sorry, I don't have a muffin, how about a scone?"
I'd never heard this phrase from a Russian server. They would say, "There is no muffin," full stop.
The barista spoke as if he owned the place. He even tried to upsell. I later realized this was capitalism's ownership culture.
Just over a century ago, the Soviet government nationalized land and businesses, abolishing private property. Russians don't speak like they own their land, crops, or stuff. When people don't own where they work, or what they do, they don't care about work.
There's a famous anecdote about a Soviet leader Nikita Khruschev visiting a corn farm in Iowa. Khrushchev was shocked that a farmer and his three sons were working the entire farm. In the USSR, he said it would take 400 people to do the same amount of work. Ownership is key to staying motivated and working hard. The Soviet land had been nationalized, so workers didn't care.
In America, people are encouraged to take ownership of their work and many start their own companies. A regular barista acts like an owner because one day he could be.
Since the 1990s, you can start a business in Russia, but the government will always bite off a piece. So in a way, people still don't own what they're working on. They're not in control and they don't care, stuff just happens: there is no muffin.
Americans admit when they're wrong
Admitting a mistake is generally seen as a weakness in Russia; people rarely apologize. Living in America, I learned admitting mistakes is a sign of self-confidence, not weakness.
My statistics professor was explaining an equation on the board, when he suddenly took a pause and said, "I know why you guys don't get it: it's because I'm teaching you wrong!" I was shocked. "Is he not afraid of losing his status?" I thought.
However, the opposite happened. His good-natured self-deprecation made him look even more confident. The class seemed to appreciate the instructor acknowledging his faults and correcting them.
This is normal in America, whereas in Russia maintaining your status is critical.
Once I got used to Americans saying "I'm sorry," even when they weren't wrong, I started adopting the same practice.
Troubleshooting conflicts is a lot easier when you're ready to admit your wrongs rather than become defensive. I wish more Russians knew it.
Russia has a much better deal for working mothers
Russia offers working mothers more support than in the U.S.
In America, gender equality is widely discussed, but the government has done little to address how a lack of maternity leave is holding women back. Women in the States can take six weeks of maternity leave – at their employer's discretion.
Russia is considered more patriarchal than the US, but Russian mothers can take 140 days of paid leave. Also, a woman's employer must keep her position available if she chooses to return.
Some US mothers have no break from work during sleepless nights and postpartum recovery because there is no national subsidized leave.
Women are forced to choose between children and their careers.
When my third baby was born in 2021 in Florida, I was working part-time and teaching at a university. I could only take unpaid leave for two weeks. My husband and I could not afford to take a longer break from having two sources of income.
I was typing emails with one hand and breastfeeding my baby with the other, for eight hours a day.
Luckily, both my commitments were remote due to COVID-19, so I could spend physical time with my baby. For American moms at regular 9-to-5 jobs, this must be a nightmare.
When I had my first child in Russia, I may have been a single mom short of resources, but I had the most precious resource in the world: time with my newborn. American women deserve it, too.
Russia also has free early childcare. In the US, it's crazily expensive with few affordable alternatives.
Americans are more financially educated
I noticed retirees in America seemed much happier and healthier than the elderly in Russia because they had planned for retirement.
In my lifetime, Russia's experienced two economic upheavals where the national currency was devalued. It doesn't make sense to invest long-term because you can't be sure you get a return on investment.
Most Russians live like there's no tomorrow, spending rather than saving money. Out of my all friends in Russia, I only know a handful of people who ever saved for retirement.
In Russia, you're defined by what you can show off. Most people will buy expensive clothes and gadgets before investing in education or their future. The only exception is real estate because the market is relatively stable.
Americans are great savers in contrast. People have personal IRAs and savings accounts because they trust their retirement system.
People even think about their income differently. Russians wouldn't know what their annual salaries are because they consider their salary in months.
After moving to the States, I got a retirement account, started thinking of my wages in yearly terms, and pictured my life 30 years ahead for the first time.
School zoning in the States is a classist system
When we were buying a house in Florida, I was surprised by how much real estate prices are tied to school zones.
If you want your kids to go to a good public school, you have to be able to afford house prices in that district. In our experience, housing prices tripled between districts with good and not-so-good schools.
We got lucky with pre-COVID mortgage rates and living in Florida. I can't imagine how this could work in more competitive regions like New York.
In America, the quality of your child's education plays a huge role in their future. The experience showed me school zoning is where much of American inequality stems from. In Russia, you can send your children anywhere for school, according to the Constitution.
In the U.S., education choice is severely limited to where children live, which, in turn, is determined by their parents' wealth. I realized a child's school zone is the real inherited American privilege.
Being able to discuss issues is worth the crazy cultural differences
Moving to Florida has been full of cultural differences. Many were fascinating, and some were appalling, but the best thing about America is that we can freely talk about what needs to be fixed.
In Russia, you can't speak freely, especially these days. The country has a lot of problems, but people must say they're happy with the regime if they want to retain their jobs – and even their safety.
You can be jailed in Russia for expressing anti-war in Ukraine sentiments. I personally know people who were arrested for stepping up for the peace.
I'm happy to be in a country where you have freedom of speech.
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