Harvard researchers discovered a major cause of loneliness — and the key to fighting it

Some find it hard to connect with people because they simply don't have the time, are afraid of rejection, or are introverted by nature.

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• Loneliness isn't just an unpleasant feeling; it's a serious risk to physical and mental health.
• Researchers found a link between poor emotion regulation strategies and feelings of loneliness.
• Self-reflection is key to developing better coping mechanisms and reducing feelings of loneliness.

Loneliness can be harmful to health. People who feel permanently lonely are more likely than others to suffer from depression, anxiety, and sleep disorders. 

It also increases the risk of strokes, heart attacks, obesity, and chronic or acute pain, according to Psychology Today.

Loneliness isn't the same as being alone, however. 

Many people enjoy a bit of alone time — but it's only enjoyable if you spend it knowing you have a stable social environment, with friendships or family connections that you can always rely on. 

For those that don't have this, "me-time" is no longer a positive experience. Instead, it creates feelings of loneliness.

There are many reasons why someone may start to feel lonely. Some causes are more obvious than others, like social media, which has somewhat removed the need for face-to-face interaction in many instances. The COVID-19 pandemic also added to this.

Others may find it hard to connect with people because they simply don't have the time, are afraid of rejection, or are introverted by nature.

Researchers at Harvard University, Stanford University, Curtin University, and the University of Western Australia have now looked at another factor that they thought might promote loneliness, according to Psychology Today.

The researchers studied the impact of a person's emotion regulation strategies on loneliness, using a comprehensive questionnaire that they gave to 501 adult test subjects.

In the questionnaire, they were asked to state how lonely they felt and how they generally dealt with negative emotions.

Dealing with negative feelings is crucial

Certain coping strategies were found to significantly increase the risk of loneliness. 

1. Excessively thinking about something
2. Blame, either directed at oneself or at other people
3. Imagining catastrophic scenarios
4. Suppression of negative feelings
5. Deliberate withdrawal from social contacts and avoidance of other people
6. Refusal of emotional support

The study also found that those who felt the loneliest were less likely to use "cognitive reappraisal," which is where you put a positive spin on stressful situations. 

"An example of cognitive reappraisal is viewing an unpleasant occurrence as an important life lesson," the Psychology Today report said.

Self-reflection is the key to combating loneliness

The researchers did provide some encouragement for people suffering from loneliness, however. Even though it's often difficult, it's possible to work on the way we deal with negative emotions. 

The first step to getting there is self-reflection.

If you often feel lonely, pay attention to how you behave when a problem is bothering you.

For example, if you've had a fight with an important person or a project at work has gone wrong, maybe you find that you suppress your anger or disappointment or spend hours brooding instead of actively seeking a solution.

Then remind yourself that there are healthier mechanisms for working through your problem.

One of them, for example, might be simply going out for a drink with a good friend and talking about what's on your mind.

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